Hello Friends – So, it’s been such a long time since my last post. I’ve been working hard with my therapist on taking care of the wounded parts of myself. Wounded younger parts of myself. I’m learning the “core” me. The “adult” me needs to take care of those parts. Parts Psychology
I’ll tell you about one part for now. It’s me at about 10 years old. There was so much fighting, name calling, yelling, etc. in my home growing up. That little “me” has so much fear. So much pain. The behavior I grew up with is all I knew. That was my “normal.” So those are the ways I naturally react to life events. I yell, get testy, cry, holds grudges, and I wants to hurt people because I truly believe they want to hurt her. That’s the little girl in my trying to protect me.
A great deal of the work I’m doing with my therapist is realizing I am a worthy, capable, competent, confident, curious person. I am someone who has been successful at many things. I’m strong enough and smart enough to support myself at 18 years old, put myself through college, and become a successful real estate agent. I am strong enough to quit drinking at the age of 44. I’m strong enough to support my husband and I after he became disabled and had to quit working twelve years ago. If I wasn’t strong and a hard worker, I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish those things.
As my therapist and I dig into my issues, we are discovering “parts” of me that were somehow wounded and never given the opportunity to heal. They pop up to protect or defend me through life events. Though my Mom was wonderfully sweet and loving to me, she wasn’t able to teach me proper coping skills because she never learned them herself. So, as I come to know these parts, I am able to parent them and teach them myself now. I know it sounds strange. But I talk to these parts and gain their trust. I am now protecting and defending them.
As I delve into these parts, I can see the home and neighborhood where I grew up. I can remember details of specific incidents and activities. I can remember things like the color dress or shoes I had on or what my siblings or friends were wearing. I can actually feel the emotions I was feeling during those events. Then, my core, grown up self can take over and console the wounded part. I can comfort her. I can explain to her why someone might have said or done something mean. My therapist helps me explain to the part that it wasn’t “her” (or my…) fault. She explains that I did nothing wrong. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I may not have understood the reasons when I was in the situation. But I can understand it now. I’m healing my past hurts. It truly is helping me.
So, along with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Parts therapy is helping me a great deal. I am an open book when it comes to my depression and hospitalization. My faith. My sobriety. You name it. I talk about it because I want to help others. I talk about it because Satan wants me to keep all these things secret. He wants me to be ashamed and embarrassed. One of the biggest things I have learned is NOT to keep my experiences in the dark. When you bring things into the light, they are so much easier to deal with and so much smaller than we make them up to be in our minds.
Realizing I wasn’t alone in this journey of life. I’m not crazy. I’m not the only one feeling these feelings. Recently I heard someone say, “Don’t believe what your mind is telling you.” Wow. That is soooo true!! Challenge those thoughts. Take them captive and change them. There is ALWAYS hope.
Take good care, friends.