Diane's Everyday3

Faith, hope, depression, Jesus, Love, grateful, Family, hope, appreciation

12 Minutes Could Save a Life February 10, 2018

Hi Readers – Having suicidal thoughts? Depressed? Anxious? I learned something the other day that astounded me. When I hear of someone who committed suicide I think to myself, “If only that person could’ve gotten through the last thought they had of harming themselves.” It just makes me so sad.

What I learned the other day is that the “impulse” to commit suicide (like the impulse to steal something, make a mean comment, eat something you shouldn’t…) lasts only 12 minutes on average. Think of the lives that could be saved and the grief avoided if that person could’ve somehow made it through that impulse without acting on it. I don’t know how you found my page, but I’m glad you did. Maybe this is the 12 minute you need.

Are you depressed? Anxious? Feeling hopeless? I’ve been there. And I’m pretty sure I’ll be there again. In 2006 I was hospitalized for three weeks because I was suicidal and despondent. When I’m in that pit, I’m not myself. I’m actually getting a bit anxious even writing this but I have to get it out!

You may be saying to yourself, “She doesn’t know my situation.” You’re right. I don’t. The one thread we have in common (I’m pretty certain) is our negative, distorted thoughts. We obsess over things. We assume what others are thinking. We see bad situations as catastrophic. We play out negative scenarios over and over and over… I believe God created us with the ability to “take our thoughts captive.” Hear me out. Even if you don’t believe in God, isn’t it amazing we can actually “think about what we’re thinking about?” Seriously. When I discovered that, I was so excited. So, in a nutshell, when I feel anxiety or depression coming on, I stop what I’m doing and “think about what I was just thinking about.” Sometimes I’ll even write it down. I can usually pinpoint the thought that brought on the anxiety or depression and move my thoughts on to something positive. I tell myself, “I’ll get back to that later.” Then I never do!

I started to add something about cognitive behavior therapy and the tools I’ve learned to recognize my triggers, but I decided to leave you with what I’ve written so far. I’ll be praying for YOU. There’s hope, I promise.

This is Abby, my rat terrier mix, and Mack, my huge orange kitty. Hope they make you smile.

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Revealing my big secret… October 28, 2012

When I started this blog I wanted to be an outlet for me.  Writing has always been a stress reliever.  It is also my way of supporting those who suffer with depression, anxiety, panic disorder, addiction, etc.  Sometimes all a person needs is to know is they are not alone or crazy!  I’ve been there.  Realizing others experience similar feelings & symptoms gave me validation.  It was a little glimmer of light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel.

A big part of what brings on depression for me is pretending everything is “fine” when I really feel like crap.  Agreeing when I really don’t.  Saying “yes” when I really want to say “no.”  Over 40 years of that took its toll in October of 2006 when I suffered a breakdown, or medically speaking, a major depressive episode.  A combination of suppressed feelings, not setting personal boundaries, guilt and shame plus a family history of depression set the perfect stage for depression in my life.

Now comes the big secret.  I had an abortion when I was 21 yeas old.  I recently decided to tell my brothers and sisters.  It’s hard to believe I’ve kept this secret for nearly 30 years.  As I suspected, they all love me just the same as they did before I told them.  Many of my nieces and nephews know now.  My heart aches thinking they might be disappointed in me.  After all, I was the perfect child.  I have an image to keep up.

God forgave me the moment I asked His forgiveness.  All the years I tortured myself with guilt and shame, I was dishonoring Him.  Jesus Chris suffered and died on a cross for my salvation.  Would I change my decision if I had the opportunity.  You bet I would.  I would give up everything I have in my life right now if I would take back that one awful decision of ending my pregnancy.  More work is needed to complete my healing process.

I am writing this particular post to help anyone who has a secret they think will destroy them if it is revealed.  I’m not saying you have to reveal it.  I’m saying you have to move on from that secret!  It does not define you.  Just like your mental affliction or addiction does not define you.  It is a part of you, yes.  But it is not the ONLY part of you.  Find hope and meaning in other areas of your life.

Revealing my secret has given me a sense of peace.  I’m looking forward to learning more about what the bible teaches about forgiveness.  My hope and prayer is that this story helps just one person in some small way.  My blessings are many.  I want to pass them on to anyone who will listen.