“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
I get a little email daily called “Quote Action of the Day.” It’s a little tidbit that I look forward to reading every morning. I’m always so anxious to see what new wisdom I can glean from my Blackberry each morning. I began this post with the quote above. I had to read it a few times to get the meaning. And I still think it’s deeper than I can even grasp. But the first thing Gandhi mentions is “What you think…” I learned through a lot of therapy that it’s difficult to change the way our minds “automatically” think after years and years of conditioning. It can be done, but it is hard. And it is oh so easy to slip back into old patterns.
Lately I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself. I’ve been allowing myself to wallow in my distorted thoughts about how others feel about me. This only leads to depression, anger, anxiety, etc., etc. To remind myself how much I’m loved, I look at pictures, read cards, emails and letters from friends and family. My negative thoughts run so deep that I’m still doubting the truth of my last statement, am I really loved?? Unless a lot of people I know are great actors and actresses, I am indeed loved. I hate that I doubt myself like that.
Insecurity runs rampant in my family. I think we’d all have differing reasons as to why that is so. But it is. I’m the baby of seven kids. The “spoiled rotten” one. We all have different memories of growing up. Different memories of our parents. I’m not going to try to analyze it, but I just wish each of us seven “kids” was able try new things without doubting our abilities. I would be so happy if none of us worried about whether we sounded dumb to someone. It would be incredible if not one negative thought came into our minds when we walk into a crowded room.
I am not positive all seven of us are insecure, but I know at least a few of us are and it makes me so sad. I’ll say a little prayer that God might help each of us to stand up to our negative thoughts and conquer our biggest insecurities.